Therein lies the paradox

Whilst taking part in this little social experiment I call "Dating", I have encountered a wide array of some of this city's finest menfolk. Overall, I haven't had a terrible experience. The odd anecdote here, the random frustration there, and very little heartache, for the most part. I consider myself lucky in that last department. Naturally, most stories stem from some sort of mystifying occurrence or more likely an incredibly uncomfortable experience.

One major problem I have with dating is that I could talk to anyone for at least an hour. Anyone. I find it fascinating and rarely have trouble finding a topic to discuss, even (sometimes especially) if we have differing viewpoints. This may not seem terrible, but it does leave me wondering sometimes after a meeting "Was that a good date or just good banter?" Sure, some would ask if I felt a spark. Please don't get me on that spark business. Another time, perhaps.

However, the singularly most uncomfortable situation that can occur during a date is in regards to money. I hate talking about money with strangers, especially male strangers, and even more especially with male strangers I may want to have intimate relations with. It makes my skin crawl. I despise the song and dance once a bill arrives. The pause, the me slowly reaching towards my bag, the meek "No, don't worry about it!" followed by a simpering "Really? Are you sure?" YUCK! It is all so very false. Listen, if a guy invites me to his favorite Japanese restaurant on the edge of town on a rainy night, he better pay for the shark cartilage snack I had to chew for several hours that night. It was his invitation, his idea, ALLLL his doing. Likewise, if I recommend my favorite tapas place, I will expect to pay. I invited you. Get it? It's common courtesy. If these guys don't want to shell out for a meal with someone of incredible awesomeness, then don't suggest meeting at a fancy place. A ramen place, will do. I don't even expect dinner on a first date. I was wowed at the suggestion, but it was marred by the post date insights. That's right, folks, this fine young chap took me out for a fun time on the town, and then when I didn't appeal to his sensibilities, he took no time in telling me how wrong I was not to offer. Perhaps I should have run through the above mentioned drill, I will do so next time. My favorite part of all this is that now Mr. Decorum for the Modern Woman (he actually did say "the modern woman" twice in his email) Don't believe me? See below:)

"one thing I can tell you about dating is that you should offer to share the bill on a first date. most guys (myself included) will insist on paying it anyway, but it's polite to offer. and you should certainly always thank someone for paying. not a major deal, but I definitely noticed. " (I definitely thanked him, twice in fact. The first time he was checking his blackberry. I pointed this out to him and he said I should have said it again!)

"secondly, while technically it's true, I'd say our date was pretty neutral in terms of who asked who out. it's not like we met at a part and I came over and asked you to dinner. we met on a dating site. where the entire point is to date. if I hadn't said anything, I'm sure you would've eventually. but really, even this is besides the point." (This point is very confusing. Does he mean to infer that an internet related date is not a real date?)

"lastly, this doesn't at all speak to the point I was making. this talks about who should pay. I don't recall saying that you should've paid or even that we should've slit it. I obviously agree that I should've paid, because.....I did. what I'm saying is that it's gracious and modern for a woman to offer. it's one of those little etiquette dances that people do and I think shows class. the man goes for the bill, the woman offers graciously to contribute, the many politely insists on paying. the woman thanks the man, then and there. that to me is polite, appropriate, and modern."

has inadvertently made himself to look like a real prat by pointing out the deficiencies of someone else, thereby rendering all gentlemanliness null and void. Well done, young man. NEXT! Oh no, but there is more... He goes on to say that times were great despite my not being a modern woman, but he would have liked to make adult funtimes anyway.

"so I guess I'll just say that I had a good time on Friday night too. you are funny and easy to hang out with. but I guess I didn't feel that "spark" or something. sure that sounds rosey, but I'm sure you know what I mean. and while it probably would've been fun to go back to your place or something (not assuming at all that you would), I sort of liked you too much to do that, as weird as that might sound."

Way to raise the bar, tote le douche.