Spring Handmade Snorefest

Despite my ever shrinking bank account, I met up with a pal to hit the greatly anticipated Spring Handmade Calvalcade at The Bell House in Brooklyn. I was wary as I really don't need any new items and my gift list is pretty empty right now, but I was lured in by the incessant email updates with the pretty graphic (how did I get on this mailing list, anyway?...). With the gentle nudging of a friend, I faced the clammy day and headed off towards the Gowanus bracing myself for temptation.

The first thing that struck me was how few vendors made up this "cavalcade". It was more like a craft circle. Jewelry- some with stones, some with brass castings of bird wings (yawn), some pretty, all of it quaint. The first table one sees upon entry was covered with beaded necklaces wrapped in material which was a big thing about 3 years ago. Does someone still dedicate their time to finding gauzy materials to wrap and knot around cheap plastic beads? A resounding yes. There were some felted yarn bags the size of a Croque Madame (I had skipped breakfast) and then some cute plates with local imagery- water towers, the parachute jump from Coney Island. My favorite items were recycled cotton material napkins and placemats which were sturdy and well constructed, but I'll be damned if every one of them didn't have an animal printed onto them. The only truly interesting vendor had printed images from old Japanese science texts onto t-shirts, which was a splendid idea. I would like to think that she chose to use cheaper non-American Apparel t-shirts to print on in order to bring costs down so she could sell them for under $30.

In short, the only tempting thing that met me was the urge to yell "Turn on the damn lights!" The interior of the Bell House was poorly lit and the colored gels on the stage lights didn't help when determining if something was white or pink. A big deal if you are buying your fiance a t-shirt. Perhaps they kept the lights low when they collectively realized that the wares were not the most exciting things on display. I ask the universe this, and please please PLEASE universe, provide me with an answer: When will the day of simple outlines of woodland creatures and common household appliances applied to totes and body hugging t-shirts be over? I long for a time when I can buy a nicely fitting top without antlers or a bird or a broken typewriter strategically placed over my spleen or left boob. This fascination with deer and sparrows has left me cold from the beginning. To walk down a concrete path punctuated with a few anemic looking trees in Brooklyn and be surrounded by two dimensional images of nature strikes me as incredibly sad. It cries out "YES, I live in the city, but I like nature, too. See? SEE!!!" In a balanced world would I find a farmer wearing a barn coat adorned with an adorable silk screen of a Kryptonite chain lock, or maybe the ubiquitous post storm broken umbrella?

Cutesy silhouettes of bicycles, birds, knitting needles and water towers are now warning symbols to me. They are the craft equivalent of a running man with an arrow, interlocking semi-circles indicating radiation or a skull and crossbo-Oh wait!!! lest we forget how mainstream the symbol of skull and crossbones has become. Weave that imagery into a scarf or put it on a onesie and you've got yourself irony a la craft.

Speaking of irony, The Bell House is located next door to a big industrial signs shop with an enormous neon letters above it spelling S I G N S. Nice and straightforward. I long for the email alert about their sample sale.